In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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