worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
