I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
