sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
