I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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