if i can run in heels then i can drive
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
