mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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