Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
handjob tips. give me some.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
