he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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