ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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