he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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