just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
