I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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