It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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