Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
