Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
