Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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