You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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