just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
