There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
