I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
