Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
