Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This house was built for laser tag.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
