she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
