Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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