I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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