Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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