Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
