More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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