I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
