so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
