I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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