I wish my penis had an off switch
My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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