You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
