Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
