We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
