Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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