Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
