I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize