he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
