i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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