Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
