sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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