my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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