I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
