Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
