I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
