Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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