it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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