just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
