It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize