Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
