my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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