I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When are your genitals available?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
These tits shall not be calmed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
