Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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