I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
