More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
