apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
