Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
