He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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