i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
