went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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