So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
