i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
