If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize