I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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