my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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