Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
