You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize