just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
