Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
