Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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