well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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