alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
