1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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