you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
