Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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