Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
