why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
