Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
