I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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