party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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