She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
