was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
