just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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