i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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