My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
