i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
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