just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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