I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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